Tonight, I went to my friend Sabra’s house for a Princess House Party. I didn’t need anything, but I wanted to see her and she was making meatballs. I enjoyed meeting her friends, and I bought a butter dish. In forty years of marriage, I have never had one.
On my way out, she gave me a container of meatballs and my glass of diet Pepsi to take home. I got the scenic route out of Edgewater Park, thanks to my @#$% GPS. Eventually, I got on to 295.
There were few cars out, but I am nervous about deer, so I stay in the slow lane. My husband often complains about my driving on the rare occasions that he relents and drives with me. He says I drive too close to the shoulder, I drive too slow. I stop ten feet from the line at a stop light.
I pulled off of 295 onto a really dark Columbus Road. All I could think of was the deer in the winter wheat fields that line either side of the street. About one mile down, suddenly I notice a car riding my rear bumper. It scared the crap out of me. I slow down. Then the truth appears, like a light (or lights) from heaven! It’s a cop! So I pull over and have all of my proper cards ready for him.
He sees the glass of soda right off the bat and asks what it is. It’s diet Pepsi, Sir, I say, to someone young enough to be my grandson. I show him the meatballs and he says, “Are you trying to bribe me with meatballs, Mam?’ He asks if I have been drinking, which, thank god, I have not, thank you very much. I am driving awfully slow. And, I am hugging the shoulder line. Thank you, Jim.
I can tell he is trying to be polite, but he is teasing me for driving like, well, a little old lady. I AM a little old lady. He says that when people drive like I was, they have to check to see if everything is ok, that the driver hasn’t been drinking or isn’t sleepy. Well, I am a little tired. It’s 9:30 and I am about two hours past my PJ time. But I have to tell him that he scared me when he was tailgating me. That the deer are thick around here at night. He apologizes, and he writes me a warning. I have been driving for 42 years and have never had a ticket. I think I’ll frame this little warning.
He lays a little rubber when he takes off, I think to either impress me, or to show me how I should be driving. I wave and go on my way putt putting down the road.